Zero

That's the amount of self confidence I have.  But, can you really blame me?  I mean, my birth parents tried to abort me.  My adoptive father has tried to get out of paying child support and taking care of my financially and emotionally.  I was bullied throughout school for various reasons.  If it wasn't for my cartoon t-shirts, it was for my weight.  Or for my shy nature.  Or for my anxiety.  I was ostracized plenty in school.
I've really lost my self confidence as the years went by.  I forgot who I was.  Honestly, the only person who really helped me stay Callie, was my grandma, GiGi.  But even then, I still feel so guilty about the way I had acted around her when her dementia got really bad.  I got scared, and distanced myself.  My therapists have all told me to move on, that she wouldn't want me to dwell on how I acted.  It was a small thing in comparison to how I was around her otherwise.  But still, anyone who knows me well knows I carry guilt for a LONG time.  Even when there's no reason to feel guilty in the first place.
Anyway, so, I'm starting to try to gain my self confidence back.  It's kind of a challenge when I get comments from strangers and ones from my dad, too.  It's hard when there are people who think I'm better off dead.  But I want to try to get the self-confidence I so desperately need.  If anything, I want to be the best girlfriend to my honey that I could possibly be.  And, if I have the self confidence to be proud of who I am, I can take care of myself and maybe my love won't feel the need to take care of me.  My ideal relationship is one where we rely on one another and can help one another emotionally.  If I have a little more self confidence, I can be there for him just like he can be there for me.
It's something that I'm working on.  It's a "one step at a time" process.  First off, I MUST learn to control my insecurity.  I can't have nightmares every time I'm worried about some other girl coming into the picture.  Which is weird, because I've never really been the jealous type.  It's that damn lack of self confidence, I tells ya.
Shit, y'all.  My favorite episode of The Cleveland Show is on now.  I'm going to cut this off now and watch some Kevin Michael Richardson awesomeness.  Later, gators!